And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
im holly from the hills drunk
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
