Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My breasts were aching with rage.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
