I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
