So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
