how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
