You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
