he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
