she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
