It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
