if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
