in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
