HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
