i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
