Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
