I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
