rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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