Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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