I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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