He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
