Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
