Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
