what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
