the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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