paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
