i permit you to call me
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
