So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My vagina is very pro this idea
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
