I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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