Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
