I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
