So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
