I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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