I think my vagina is haunted
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
