I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize