I got chris browned last night
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
