Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
