I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
