I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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