This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
