I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
