Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She bit a glass in half.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize