Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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