tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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