maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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