you mean i was at the winter classic?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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