your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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