If that was your dad, he is hot
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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