Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
