I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
50% drunk capacity currently
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize