my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize