She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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