I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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