I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
