absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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