In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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