she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
