you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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