Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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