Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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