Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
