New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
