she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
