forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
