i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
