I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
