she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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