I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
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