That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
