Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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