I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
