We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize