you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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