I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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