She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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