Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
