Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she smelled like a LAN party
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
