White coat. Heels.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
