If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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