this beer tastes like vomit already
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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