I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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