Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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