Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
