AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
