I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
