I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
