i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
