I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
