Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
