Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
