im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize