Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
