i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
