omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
