Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize