If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
