my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
